Sermon for Sunday, February 23rd, 2025 at First Presbyterian Church at Unionville, NY (BPC)
Old Testament Reading:
[Deu 24:1-4 ESV] 1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the LORD. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance.
New Testament Reading:
[1Co 7:8-16 ESV] 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Gospel Reading:
[Mat 19:3-8 ESV] 3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
Sermon Text:
[Mat 5:31-32 ESV] 31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Introduction
We live in a throwaway culture.
I remember some years ago starting to see littered about parking lots those little tooth flossers. Single use? Use it and chuck it.
And we live in the time of
convenience stores,
microwaves and TV dinners,
and of movies and entertainment on demand.
You can buy anything in the world online and return it if you don’t like it.
We the consumer have great freedom to do whatever we want.
But in our modern era this freedom is only wrongly applied to marriage and divorce.
God’s intent, from the beginning, was for the marriage to be lifelong. Till death do us part.
One minister rightly says “We, as Christians, must not allow marriage covenants to end with the ease of instant potatoes or a drive-thru happy meal.”
The sanctity and enduring nature of marriage is in view in our passage as Jesus argues against the Pharisees and their view of “easy divorce.”
So there is “the sin of easy divorce.” That is what I have titled this sermon.
I. “Easy divorce” is sinful.
It is vital that we understand the context of what Jesus is saying.
From other historical documents it is believed that some of the Pharisees were falsely interpreting the Old Testament to say that a man could simply write out a certificate of divorce FOR ANY REASON and so divorce his wife.
That is what I mean by an “easy divorce.”
These are divorces over trivial matters.
“I’m not as attracted to my spouse as I once was.”
“My spouse isn’t earning as much money as me.”
“My spouse was mean to me.”
“I’m not really ‘feeling it’.”
even:
“I want to marry someone else.”
This is in part what John the Baptist had spoke against when Herod the tetrach quickly divorced his first wife and married his sister-in-law. (See: Matthew 14:3, Mark 6:17-18).
It is not right to think of divorce as such an easy thing.
Those who are getting divorced for trivial reasons are sinning.
And the Pharisees who are approving of trivial easy divorces are also sinning in their false teaching.
Jesus critiques their view when he says of them:
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’
His main point in this passages is that divorce on weak or faulty grounds is unlawful, unacceptable to God.
II. Marriage is for life.
Rather, Jesus advocates that marriage is for life.
True, he doesn’t say that in our passage, but he does later on in this same Gospel of Matthew:
[Mat 19:3-8 ESV] 3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. [see also Genesis 2:23-24]
So his view is quite opposite of “easy divorce.” A husband and wife are united as one flesh that are not to be separated. He says “let not man separate.” That is, only death (in God’s eternal plan and timing), only death ends the marriage.
Because marriage is for life, Jesus argues that these “easy” and hasty divorces cause the people to commit adultery. The point is that they should remain in their marriages, but by leaving them and joining with another they are essentially committing adultery. The paper, the decree of divorce, doesn’t absolve them.
III. The Exception Clause.
There is however, in our text, an “exception clause.”
Jesus says “except on the ground of sexual immorality.”
That is, adultery (or fornication before marriage) MAY be grounds for divorce.
Some translate the term as “sexual immorality.” R. C. Sproul’s then extends that quite broadly to include various sins. But I think he is against the thrust of the passage, which is that divorce should not be on any less than the most extreme grounds. I might be wiling to say that “sexual immorality” includes what the Bible elsewhere notes (not only adultery and fornication, but also incest and beastiality) — the most heinous forms of sexual immorality — but as I’ll argue later, divorce is not to be on any “lesser” sins.
Jesus opposes “easy divorce” but acknowledges that Moses allowed for divorce under such cases of “indecency” or unclean shameful exposure.
This was not the plan of God from the beginning. God’s plan is for a man and a woman to “join together” not to separate.
But there is now this “exception clause.”
32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
We find something relevant in the account of Joseph and Mary.
[Mat 1:18-19 ESV] 18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. 19 And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.
Notably, Joseph is called a just man. And this must include his action in resolving to divorce Mary under the assumption that she has committed fornication.
So adultery or fornication is the one allowable exception Jesus notes.
There is a second that Paul later notes, possibly because of a changed context. Paul adds also the exception of abandonment or desertion by an unbelieving partner.
The Scripture proof is 1 Corinthians 7:15
15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
So there are those two exceptions by which a persons seeking a divorce is just: adultery and abandonment.
Those are the two that we have also in the Westminster Confession of Faith. Chapter 24, parts 5 and 6 detail adultery and desertion (or abandonment) as the just or lawful causes for divorce.
But I want to make a couple important points here.
A. Don’t cheapen the exceptions.
Don’t cheapen the exceptions.
We know that Jesus is against that “easy divorce;” view (divorce on weak grounds) of the Pharisees.
But we fall into the same error if we call things adultery that are not adultery, and if we call things abandonment that are not abandonment.
A man talking with another woman may be inappropriate in some circumstances, but it is not adultery.
A woman withholding relations with her husband may be sinfully against her marital and biblical duty, but that is not abandonment.
Such issues are to be worked on, not looked as as marriage-breakers.
We should not look for ways to end marriage, but to extend marriage; to improve it.
Divorce is not allowed for any but the greatest of sins.
Divorce isn’t acceptable for what is called today “irreconcilable differences.”
You are called to love your spouse and to reconcile your differences.
So don’t cheapen the exceptions.
B. May does not equal must.
Then, “may does not equal must.”
These Biblical exceptions allow for divorce under those circumstances, but they by no means necessitate divorce.
Marriage was designed to bring a man and a woman together.
In our fallen world however and for the protection of the innocent, divorce is permitted under those must extreme of circumstances.
But even in those circumstances, the preferred way, the better way, is repentance and reconciliation.
Ideally a sinful spouse repents and the other spouse forgives them.
When I first heard this I was shocked. In was in the context of a church I was a member of some 20 years ago. There was a case of adultery and the pastor, I was told second hand, encourage marriage to stay together. They did not heed his advice. And the advice seemed cruel to me and lacking in understanding of just how bad it would be to have a spouse commit adultery. But … he was right.
Divorce is allowed, but those exception clauses do not necessitate divorce.
Repentance is a beautiful thing.
And reconciliation is better than separation.
Divorce is only a remedy of last resort.
I liken the discussion of divorce to that of excommunication from the church. All attempts at reconciliation should be made before that fateful decision is pronounced.
Jesus spoke of divorce as coming about because of the “hardness of hearts.”
That is the same conclusion for excommunication.
Hardness of heart is when a person is ingrained in their sin, unwilling to repent, and the fateful decision must be made that they are excommunicated. Truthfully, the church’s declaration is such a state is itself not separating the person from the church, but acknowledging that they have separated themselves.
Such is the same also with divorce. The hardness of heart is the root cause. That is the cause of the adultery with lack of repentance that leads to divorce. And that is the cause of abandonment with lack of repentance that leads to divorce. In both cases, the unwilling of the guilty party to repent is evidence of their unbelief and hardness of heart.
The innocent party should remember the forgiveness of the Lord. The Lord has forgiven your sins. And the innocent party should remember the intent God had for marriage; that it be a lifelong arrangement, for better or worse. And so they should be encouraged, to forgive the repentance spouse and remain in the marriage.
IV. Strive for Great Marriages
Those exceptions are the extreme cases. And generally the theology gets more difficult with the extreme cases, and discernment and wisdom will be needed to address them.
But on a more general level, and consider the main idea of our passage that Jesus is against “easy divorce” we should “strive for great marriages.”
We should not be looking for ways to end marriages, but ways to extend marriages remembering that our vow is not “as long as we both get along” but “as long as we both shall live.”
And if we have that focus to begin with, that there is not easy or convenient backing out of marriage, then we must strive within marriage for the very best of it and longevity for it.
I like what one man said to his wife. “If you ever leave me, I’m going with you.” [REPEAT]
The married mindset should be like that – where you go I will go. But let both go with the Lord.
Message to the married.
Modern culture wants divorce to be as easy as possible. We want it to be an absolute last resort.
We are to heed Paul’s words:
[Eph 5:22-25 ESV] 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Love one another, for all the time you have. That should be your mindset.
Our marriages are to be a witness to the gospel of God’s covenant faithfulness to us in Jesus Christ. He is faithful. Let us be faithful. And he is forgiving. Let us be forgiving.
And don’t look down on the divorced. Remember that all are sinners, and we all find forgiveness only in Christ.
Message to the single, windows, and widowers.
Of course, not all are married.
Some are single.
Some are divorced.
I was single until age 34.
And I know that “Focus on the Family” and various ministries talk a lot about marriage.
And if you are single, the subject feels irrelevant or even annoying.
But single-folk I pray have listened up.
For one, I don’t preach very often about marriage and divorce.
And second, this may come into play for you someday when marriage comes your way.
And third, knowledge of Biblical theology is God’s gift, a good thing for us, whether it applies directly at the moment or not. It all helps us to understand God better.
Message to the divorced.
Finally, a message to the divorced or those contemplating divorce.
If you are the “guilty party” then repent and seek reconciliation.
If you are the innocent party, express forgiveness and seek reconciliation.
If your divorce was not Biblical, know that there is forgiveness in Christ even for that sin.
And know that your status as “divorced” might be what you put on certain forms for the government, but your Christian form says merely “A sinner turned saint by the grace of God.”
That is our status, whether single, married, or divorced. All have sinned, but in Christ there is forgiveness by His grace for our eternal life
Let us pray.